Discovering Your Leadership Style

 

 

 

 

Follow me on Twitter here: Twitter.com/Wes_Lee_Success

Browse my latest books here: http://amazon.com/author/wes_lee

What is Leadership?

            The best place to begin our journey is with an understanding of effective Leadership and why we make the decisions we make. The most effective leaders create permanent change and transform lives with their actions.

            Leadership is a learned skill, and everybody can be an impactful leader. Everyone is a leader, from parents who want to impact their children to volunteers who hunger to contribute to their community. Any person who wants to be a beacon of light for people can lead, and every day is overflowing with opportunities to rise to your potential!

            As we begin this exciting journey together, we’ll dive into a new way of viewing Leadership that I’ve learned and put into practice for years. This article is inspired by the phenomenal work performed in human needs psychology trademarked by Tony Robbins. For our purpose, Leadership will focus on our ability to influence other people by discovering what already influences their behaviors, emotions, actions, thoughts, and feelings.

            I want you to visualize yourself, making a tremendous impact on people. You can imagine a single person, a group of people, your team members at work, or anyone in your life whom you want to influence. What if you had the skills to take these people you visualize and move them to achieve outstanding results in their lives and change for the greater good? How fulfilled would you feel to shift these people and know that you lead them to exceptional results?

                    For the past ten years, I’ve been on a mission to grow and introduce success into every fiber of people’s lives. In my quest, I wrote a best-selling course that’s reached 40 countries and counting. And, I’ve worked with some of the most elite fortune 500 companies, in industries from real estate to technology. What I can say confidently is that we all have habits that are at the core of who we are.

            When you learn to apply these timeless principles into your own life, you’ll equip yourself to transform your quality of life. You’ll lead other people to shift their thinking, the way they feel, actions they take, and ultimately their life. And your ability to move people is your mark as a leader. Let’s Begin!

 

How do we Make Decisions?

            Life doesn't "happen" to us. We create our lives, and it's our decisions that shape our lives. So, how do we make decisions that create our lives? We're making three decisions every second of every day, which affect us in the interim and over the long term.

            How are you using your body? Such as your breathing, how tall you sit or stand, and how you move.

            Where’s your focus? What you’re focused on is what you feel at any moment.

            Did you notice that 1 & 2 are non-verbal? The third factor is: what words do we assign to an experience? The language we assign to an experience determines how we feel. If you say: "That makes me mad!” you’re right, and you’ll feel it. If you say: “That makes me happy,” you’re also right, and you’ll also feel it.

            When we're in distress or pain, it's because we're inwardly focused. And one or all of the above three factors are off. The fantastic part is that you’re in control of all three! And the more robust these three factors are, the more significant you’ll feel. You’ll also make more empowering or less empowering decisions.

 

Example

            If someone’s having difficulty, you can focus on the problem or be the solution. Ask yourself, “how can I contribute to this person right now?”

            Pay attention to the language you use, and that other people use. We can use enhanced or diminutive language. Let’s say someone asks you, “How’s your day?” you can choose to respond: “Good,” or you can enhance your language and say, “Phenomenal.” Do you think you’ll feel different depending on how you respond? Or let’s say you or another person encounters a tough situation. Does it “Suck” or is it “Inconvenient.” This is diminutive language; we’re adopting a style that's less harsh and negative.

            Lastly, the quickest way to instantly affect your mood at any given moment is to change how you use your body by changing your physiology. If you or another person is sitting, stand up. If you feel down, take deep breaths. Go for a walk, stretch out, or pay attention to the foods and drinks you put into your body that day. These all positively affect your body and your state, which enables you to be more effective in making significant decisions.

 

How we Shape Our World

            It's no secret that each of us is unique and superior in certain aspects of life. We're also inferior in other dimensions, making us all even. Now, you already understand the three decisions we're making every second, that affect us in the interim (short term). Next are the factors that affect our life over a long period. How we perceive the world, what it means to us, and how it affects our decisions.

 

Each of us is After Six Human Necessities:

1.     We want to feel certain

2.     We want variety and a sense of change

3.     We all want to feel like we matter

4.     We want to experience love and feel connected

5.     We each want to feel as though we’re growing

6.     We want to contribute to something beyond ourselves

 

Each of us Has a Map to Guide us to our Desired Necessities

1.     We have universal beliefs about the way life is

2.     We each have desires and fears

3.     We each have methods we rely on to meet our necessities

4.     We all have boundaries for ourselves (Thresholds)

5.     We have situations in which we would violate our thresholds 

6.     We have a belief system about who we are

7.     We all have preferences in how we make decisions Ex: (Big Picture vs. Detail-oriented)

 

Each of us Has Emotions we Default to

            These emotions can be emotions that give us strength or make us weaker. Reflect on yourself for a moment; what are your go-to feelings? When I was growing up, I lived in an emotional frame of anger. If I didn't like something, I'd get angry. Even If something happened that I wanted, sometimes I'd get mad because I wouldn't feel worthy of that kind gesture. So, where do you go to often within yourself?

 

Six Human Necessities

            What’s fascinating is that we meet these necessities in ways that help us and harm us. Every person has a way to meet these necessities, however. As leaders, we want to discover how a person is getting their needs met. We need to influence them to achieve their needs in ways that are pleasurable and positive over the long term of their life. Make sense? So why do you think a person would do something harmful such as drink or do drugs? Why do addictions even happen? I used to believe it was the drug itself (which plays a factor!). However, an enlightening moment occurred for me when I realized that it has more to do with us than the outside stimulus. People in my family had drug problems, and wisdom taught me that the drugs were meeting several of their necessities. If that drug meets enough needs, it creates an addiction. What are the three essential needs a drug addict wants?

            We're each unique in the way we value these necessities. Every person is different and meets these in different ways. You'll know your essential needs in a stressful experience. We tend to value a couple of these needs over the others; however, we still require all six. So, which two showed up for you the last time you experienced a challenging situation? For me: I value growing, and I appreciate the feeling of significance. I get anxious when I feel like I'm not growing, and I highly value feeling like I matter. The combination of those necessities is why you're reading this material.

 

Our Guiding Map

             Are you meeting your needs? How do you know if you are? What do you believe?

             What thresholds have you placed on yourself to achieve your essential necessities?

 

Your Default Emotions

            Do you remember the last time you expressed an emotion quicker than you could think? We act on our feelings, which positively or negatively affect our quality of life.

 

Recap

Ask yourself these three questions throughout the day:

1.     What meaning do I choose to give this situation?

2.     What action am I going to take?

3.     What do I choose to focus on right now?

 

 

Understanding Yourself First

            Before leading other people, it’s critical to know how you perceive the world and how your perspective interacts with another person’s view of the world. Expanding your understanding of yourself brings you the ability to develop your influence and knowledge of other people, giving your life more options and flexibility.

            If you want to impact anyone and shift their perspective to make positive changes, you have to understand what already motivates them. We can't effectively change a person for our reasons. Leadership means understanding how they see the world and how you can help them meet their necessities for their purposes.

            Have you ever had someone tell you all of the reasons why you should change? Did you resist changing? Unless you were after the same necessities as that person, you probably resisted it because they didn’t understand how you see the world.

 

 

How Happiness Works

            Do you know why you get upset or frustrated, and why you feel ecstatic in certain parts of your life? When I learned and applied this, it was mind-blowing and straightforward! There are two factors we can shift to achieve happiness and take ourselves out of a painful state of being:

1.     We have the control to change our situation

2.     We have the power to change the narratives in our mind

 

Example

            My wife and I, at the time of this writing, live in Hawaii. I highlight this because this is the most fulfilling area of my life. It’s the most fulfilling area because our marriage exceeds my perception of marriage. I always imagined marrying my best friend, what I never envisioned was living in such a beautiful place and making life into a wondrous adventure! So, because my marriage exceeds what I imagined, I'm thrilled!

            Now, let's look at the other side of this. When I was a teenager, I didn't have money, and I didn't have a relationship or a place of my own to live. My situations (Relationship, Finances, and Living) didn't match how I perceived things should be. In my mind, I wanted lots of money, a great relationship, and a beautiful place to call mine. Because I had none of those, what could I have done? I could have changed my situation and started aggressively going after what I wanted. Or I could have changed the way I perceived being single, with no income or a place of my own. I could have said, “I’m working on myself, so I can have everything I desire.” Instead of “I’m not worthy of having the things I desire,” Can you see the power in this small shift? Change the situation or change the way you perceive the situation.

 

Action Steps

1.     Where are you thrilled in your life right now? What pleases you about it the most? Pay attention and write down IF your expectations meet or exceed the situation.

2.     What area of your life do you want to improve in the most? What doesn’t please you about it? Do your expectations meet how you imagine it should be? How can you use this information to change it? 

3.   What are your top two human necessities of the six? Take ownership of them. Think of them as your best friends, and feel proud because they are your primary drivers (Think about which necessities you live and embody each day).

Follow me on Twitter here: Twitter.com/Wes_Lee_Success

Browse my latest books here: http://amazon.com/author/wes_lee